regain conscious

when i regained conscious, as if i woke up from a very long deep sleep, as if someone dragged me from dark place, as if i came to hell. breathing is an unconscious bodily function but became the only thing i conscious about. pipe through my nose, throat into my stomach made breathing difficult. focus on the inhale and exhale by mouth, every breath was to struggle to live. human should not take breathing as granted, breathing means you're alive. the other thing i don't ever take it as granted is sleeping. how to fall asleep when you have to concentrate on every breath and when you feel someone is strangling you? every waking hours was torturing. my strength was the only thing that carried me on. that's when i realized that no feeling is worse than that. the lost of someone who don't love me is nothing. but why you came back and ran around my leaving scars? gave me false hope that you're still love and care about me. made me get more wounds and bleed more. made me have to back from the start to forget you. just let me learn to live half alive.

i'll be strong enough

to ever fall back in

your arms.