reciprocal

you didn't reply me again. when i was totally feel depressing, your name appeared on my hp calling. you would not know how touching was i. when cochlea detected your voice, my tears was streaming down my empty face and my body was involuntarily quivered. i rushed to pour out my inner thoughts to you, about your apathetic acts, our complicated feelings, our deepest concerns to you. i know i should ask you for explanation at the same time. still, luckily i came clean to you in time. don't ever let misunderstanding become a barrier between us and set our hearts apart. we must do something before it is too late. i'm the one who always make the first move and you're being unmoved grew tiredness on me. i thought in relationship, must be someone is being initiative and the other one is being passive. no, it is definitely wrong. a genuine relationship is reciprocal. one loves the other and the other recognizes that love, acknowledges it, and returns it.

receive
a message
a call
a mail
and reply

scream

now i just want to scream out my lungs like bella did when the same nightmare keep haunting her. only one more month left. i'm out of time. not about new moon, is something else. something that strangles my neck.

why was i panicking now?

i'd known it's coming.

why should it frighten me that it's here.

racetosavemylove

when i was watching Bella runs across the fountain towards Edward, slowly unbuttoning his shirt to expose his pale chest, i had chills, goose bumps and tear rush. i can feel Bella runs till her lungs burst, thrash her way through the red crowd to save the one she lives for, as if i were her. "Stop! Stop! No Edward, don't!"

For in failing at this,

I forfeited any desire to live.

Galaxie

got it. (:

i've sent a thank mail to Galaxie.

your 108th

happy birthday, my edward cullen.
the more you love someone, the less sense anything made.

"how long have you been 17?"

"a while."

coffee bean

i am coffee bean, not a carrot or an egg. the boiling water melts the coffee bean, triggers coffee bean to release its fragrance and flavor. when things are at their worst, i should get better and change the situation around me. it's ironic that the circumstance did bring me painess but i still can't replace the failure with motivation. i've to endure it. i've to make a cup of aromatic and flavorful coffee.

taste the bitter
sweet comes later

evasion

i truly knew it, but when it uttered out from other's mouth, it's hurt as if the words shot at the right core. i knew, i was giving myself cornucopia of evasions to escape myself from studies, keep asking friends for the answer - i also didn't study - to ease my guiltiness. it's actually stupid and annoying.

Edward,

scold me harshly.